Friday, December 21, 2012

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

''कर्तव्य मेरा सर्वोपरि''

एक लड़के के आपात आपरेशन के लिए एक फोन के बाद डाक्टर जल्दी जल्दी अस्पताल में प्रवेश करते हैं....उन्होंने तुरंत अपने कपडे बदल कर सर्जिकल गाउन पहना, ऑपरेशन के लिए खुद को तैयार किया और ऑपरेशन थियेटर की तरफ चल पड़े...हॉल में प्रवेश करते ही उनकी नज़र लड़के की माँ पर जाती है...जो उनका इंतज़ार करती जान पड़ती थी और बहुत व्याकुल भी लग रही थी....

डॉक्टर को देखते ही लड़के की माँ एकदम गुस्से से बोली : आपने आने इतनी
देर क्यों कर दी..? आपको पता नहीं है कि मेरे बेटे की हालत बहुत गंभीर है..? आपको अपनी जिम्मेदारी का अहसास है की नहीं..??
डॉक्टर मंद मंद मुस्कुराते हुए कहता है : मैं अपनी गलती के लिए आपसे माफ़ी मांगता हूँ...फोन आया तब मैं अस्पताल में नहीं था,जैसे ही खबर मिली मैं तुरंत अस्पताल के लिए निकल पड़ा..रास्ते में ट्रैफिक ज्यादा होने की वजह से थोड़ी देर हो गयी. अब आप निश्चिन्त रहो मैं आ गया हूँ भ
गवान की मर्ज़ी से
सब ठीक हो जाएगा..अब आप विलाप करना छोड़ दो..''

इस पर लड़के की माँ और ज्यादा गुस्से से : विलाप करना छोड़ दूं मतलब..? आपके कहने का मतलब क्या है..? मेरे बच्चे को कुछ हो गया होता तो.? इसकी जगह आपका बच्चा होता तो आप क्या करते..?? डॉक्टर फिर मंद मंद मुस्कुराते हुए : शांत हो जाओ बहन, जीवन और मरण वो तो भगवान के हाथ में है, मैं तो बस एक मनुष्य हूँ, फिर भी मैं मेरे से जितना अच्छा प्रयास हो सकेगा वो मैं करूँगा..बाकी आपकी दुआ और भगवान की मर्ज़ी..! क्या अब आप मुझे ऑपरेशन थियेटर में जाने देंगीं.?? डॉक्टर ने फिर नर्स को कुछ सलाह दी और ऑपरेशन रूम में चले गए..

कुछ घंटे बाद डॉक्टर प्रफुल्लित मुस्कान लिए ऑपरेशन रूम से बाहर आकर लड़के की माँ से कहते हैं : भगवान का लाख लाख शुक्र है की आपका लड़का सही सलामत है, अब वो जल्दी से ठीक हो जाएगा और आपको ज्यादा जानकारी मेरा साथी डॉक्टर दे देगा..ऐसा कह कर डॉक्टर तुरंत वहां से चल पड़ते हैं..

लड़के की माँ ने तुरंत नर्स से पुछा : ये डॉक्टर साहब को इतनी जल्दी भी क्या थी.? मेरा लड़का होश में आ जाता तब तक तो रूक जाते तो क्या बिगड़ जाता उनका..? डॉक्टर तो बहुत घमंडी लगते हैं''
ये सुनकर नर्स की आँखों में आंसू आ गए और कहा : ''मैडम ! ये वही डॉक्टर हैं जिनका इकलौता लड़का आपके लड़के की अंधाधुंध ड्राइविंग की चपेट में आकर मारा गया है..उनको पता था की आपके लड़के के कारण ही उनके इकलौते लड़के की जान गयी है फिर भी उन्होंने तुम्हारे लड़के की जान बचाई है...और जल्दी वो इसलिए चले गए क्योंकि वे अपने लड़के की अंतिम क्रिया अधूरी छोड़ कर आ गए थे...

MORAL: ''कर्तव्य मेरा सर्वोपरि''

Nice , worth reading..




An old man, staying in a small south Indian town came to visit his son in Bombay recently. The son in his early thirties is a successful businessman living with his wife and son. The father, having spent most of his life at his birthplace, hardly understands a splatter of Hindi or English, forget Marathi. But he doesn't care. 'I have come here to spend a few days with my son and his family. I don't have to go out and socialize with the city people,' he said.
 
But the son is very excited about his father's rare visit to Bombay. He wants to make the best of it. He and his wife want to show him around the city. And yes, the son enjoys those evening hours too, when  he and his father go out and sit in a good bar, sipping their favorite  drink.

 
Last week he was in a very good mood. 'Let's go to a five star hotel's bar tonight,' he told his father. It was a beautiful evening. Talking about everything under the sun they had a few drinks. As usual they were offered some salad, peanuts, wafers etc .as accompaniments with their drinks. The old man being almost toothless was not much interested in eating. But that day when they got up to leave, he simply took a handful of chana (roasted grams) and stuffed it in the  fold of his dhoti. He might have thought about munching on them, sitting in the car, or whatever. Unfortunately while walking in the lobby, he missed a step and stumbled. Down he went, scattering the chana on the plush carpet.
 
No problem .Now try to visualize that scenario. Someone else in his son's place would have been mortified, embarrassed to death. He might have cursed not his father but his own self for causing this awkward situation. 'Never again will I take my old man to such hotels', he would have vowed.
No sir, not this son. Gently, with a smile, he helped his father get back on his feet. Instead of feeling irritated or angry, he was amused. He found the whole incident very funny. Laughing, they both went home and on the way they decided to return to the same place the following Sunday.
The old man liked the place and liked the chana too. 
 
Few days back, at a friend's place they both described this event and made everybody laugh.
Weren't you embarrassed? Somebody asked the son.  'Oh, come on now' replied    the son. 'He is my father. He talks in his native language, prefers to wear a dhoti even to a posh city hotel, takes chana from the bar to eat later, does whatever he feels like.... So what?
Why should I feel embarrassed with his nature and habits? Nobody has a right to stop him from doing whatever he feels comfortable with, as long as it is not harmful to others.'
 
The son doesn't care what the staff in the hotel thought about that incident. He says 'they should be concerned only with their bills and tips. I am concerned about my father's happiness.'  The wife too totally agrees with the husband on this issue. She feels there are enough other qualities in her father- in- law to feel proud of.  Accept them .The above incident is not mentioned just to show the love  and devotion of a son for his father. More than love it is a matter of understanding and a healthy respect for the other person's lifestyle.
  
A seventy plus old man doesn't want to change his lifestyle now. He likes the way he eats or dresses or talks. In his eyes there is nothing wrong with the old ways of living. And the son says, ok, fine. Every body has a right to live as per his wish. Now at his age, why should he be forced to learn to eat with a fork and knife, if he doesn't want to? I will feel bad if he is doing something morally wrong or indulging in some harmful activities. But otherwise it is fine. I am not going to try to change him at this stage. He is my father. I love him, respect him.
 
Hey folks, can you think this way? So many times we see people getting embarrassed by the so called unsophisticated behavior of their family members. They keep on apologizing about their lack of class and manners or about their drawbacks to outsiders. My wife can't speak proper English; she doesn't know what's happening in the world, so I avoid taking her out or introducing her to my friends and business associates... My parents can't eat with a  spoon and fork, so I don't take them to restaurants My husband is  working as an ordinary clerk, so I feel awkward when I introduce him  to my rich friends.  My brother is mentally challenged, so I don't feel like going out with him... 

Are you plagued with such thoughts or do you meet such people who think alike? If you do, please ask yourself. Why do others or I feel this way? Really what is there to feel ashamed of? Most of the people always have this fear of other peoples' opinions and comments. What would others say? 
 
Nothing.. You are what you are..
    
Have a nice day.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

CARROT, EGG OR COFFEE


A daughter complained to her father about life and how hard things are for her. She said she wanted to give up as she was tired of struggling. For just as one problem was solved, another arose. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and placed the fire on high. Soon the three pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the other he placed eggs and in the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word. The daughter wondered what he was trying to do.
In half an hour he turned down the fire and took out the contents of the pots and put them in bowls. Turning to her he said, “My dear child, what do you see?” Smartly
she replied, “Carrots, eggs and coffee.”
He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After shelling it, she observed it was hard-boiled now. Finally, he asked her to take a sip of the fragrant coffee. She winced as it was very strong.
Humbly, she asked, “What does it mean father?” He explained, “Each of them faced the same adversity, 100oC of boiling water. However, each reacted differently. The carrot was strong, hard and unrelenting. But, after going through boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg was fragile. A thin outer shell protected a liquid centre. But after sitting in the boiling water, the inside became hardened. However, the coffee beans are unique. After they were in the boiling water, they became stronger and richer. Which one of these are you?” he asked.

Are you the carrot that seems hard but with the smallest amount of pain, adversity or heat, you wilt and become soft with no strength? Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? But after a death, breakup, divorce or layoff become hardened and stiff? Your shell looks the same but you are bitter and tough inside. Or are you
like the coffee bean? The bean does not get its true flavour until it reaches 100oC. When the water gets hotter, it just tastes better. When things are at their worst, you get better.
So how do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
"Everyone is an explorer.
How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not opening it?"